Till he returns or calls me home

 ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

 ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:28-39

Sitting in chapel this morning I was extremely distracted. My mind tends to wander to things of the night before or daydreams of things I wish would happen. Sometimes I wish more than anything to be present in a moment, fully immersed in what is going on around me, and other times I am completely content in living in my dream world in which I can reflect and be alone even if everyone around me is sitting right there.

As we sang the last song of chapel the words, "Till he returns or calls me home, here in the love of Christ I stand!" were on constant repeat in my mind. It felt like having a song stuck in my head and I knew it wouldn't go away until I heard it again, but even as I sang it over and over again all throughout the day, it still wouldn't leave. It was like a pesky hick-up that was caught in my throat and all you can do is pay attention to the way it takes over your whole day and mind.

The reason that the song was stuck in my head I think was because of this current struggle with my health. Even today as I met a friend for coffee I felt nauseous the whole time and then later I found myself curled in a ball in extreme pain because of my stomach. I am awaiting yet another set of blood tests in order to find out yet another round of what is wrong with me. When I reflect on the words of the song I cant help but simply look to God for my comfort and my strength as I go through this pain. I know that in Christ's abundant love for me he died, a much more painful death than any pain I can possibly imagine and that as I suffer in my own ways I can draw strength and comfort from the cross and the pain Jesus suffered all for me. I want to stand firm in the hope of Christ and the idea that one day Christ will either come back or if not he will call me home and I will feel no more pain, no more suffering and no more worries.

I know that God only does what is good, and by good I mean what is best for His plan. Sometimes in life, things seem bad, situations seem hopeless and frustrating but in reality they will always end up working for His plan and for His good. I am not afraid because I know that because of Christ and His sacrifice I have nothing to fear. I am afraid at times that I might have something wrong with me that can't be fixed or that God might bring me home sooner than i'd like, but ultimately I know that His timing is perfect, His ways are best, and He is in control and I am not afraid for that reason. I have complete hope and trust in the goodness of my father, and I am excited for when I get to be Home and with my father, with no more pain and no more worries. I am blessed to have a father who loves me so much.