"Oh Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in-- behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me
and the lights become night around me,'
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:1-24
There are many things I need to learn, one is simply trusting in the Lord, remembering that He knows me and that He is the one who knit me together.
Sometimes I fall into the trap of being upset about something and getting caught in this cycle of being upset even though I know that I need to get over it. I am so ready to be done with my sin and to be living every moment for my Savior.
Some days are rough, sometimes you even have rough months...I am just trying to find my way out of a 4 month crazy season...I have felt so far from the Lord lately...and I can't begin to say how thankful I am for yesterday and the amazing talks I had with some of the women here at work.
I now work for Canyon Creek Church, my home church that I grew up in. I have amazing women that I can look up to and hear their wisdom, all while feeling comfortable to share my own experiences. I am not afraid to be broken or to be honest with who I am and how I feel. Its been an amazing time of learning and growing...but I am ready to abide in the Lord and draw so near to Him. I am ready to not have my emotions get the best of me and allow that to be my 'exuse' to sin.
I love this passage in Psalms because it is a beautiful reflection of the God who knows me and an acknowledgement that I know him, trust him, and want him near me.
Please God, search me and know my anxious thoughts, calm me, comfort me, and draw me near. Please let me know the offensive ways I have and lead me in your ways everlasting!
--Kristina Janette
