I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
(Nicole Nordeman LEGACY)
It seems as if every place I go, every message I hear, every strong person of faith in my life, and every funeral service makes me contemplate this idea of leaving a legacy. Its not uncommon for me to be sitting on my couch or even in a room full of people and silently thinking about what others might think of me after I leave this earth. I have been mulling over these words of the Nicole Nordeman song for so long...I still can recall the first time I heard it, sitting up in the balcony of my home church, it was about ten degrees too warm for my fuzzy jacket and as I looked over on the stage where the woman who taught me everything I know about singing, belted out this song so passionately as all the lights were on her, I was astonished at the powerful questions in this song and the emotions the words were evoking in my heart. I remember sitting there and listening to the words so intently and wondering what kind of legacy I would leave behind.
It was my grandmothers funeral about two years ago and my great grandmothers this past year. Its always nice to sit and listen to the great stories about these women in my life but something seemed so incredibly wrong as I sat and mourned the loss of them and listened to everyone that came to speak. Not one spoke of their faith in Christ. Unfortunately neither were believers and so they never lived out lives that exemplified Jesus. I sat there and was hoping and praying that one day, people would get up and remember me for being someone who loved the Lord and was an example of Christ in my daily life.
Similarly, I was at a funeral two weeks ago and as I sat there at my "big brothers" fathers funeral loads of people went up to speak about the quiet life he lived, his love for motorcycles, his love for his two sons, but most importantly his deep love for God that was constantly reflected in the way he lived his life. He was a man of very few words but as he lived out his life people knew there was something different about him, something that pointed straight to Jesus. He left a legacy that people will remember one of a quiet strong faith that people admired about him.
I certainly think that if I left today, it would not be the legacy I would have wanted people to remember me by. Sure people might remember me as crazy or outgoing and maybe even as a girl who went to church every sunday...but I want people to remember me for being a light that pointed to Christ in every aspect of my life. (I am completely aware this is not possible considering that there will always be places in my life that I will fail and screw up but i would like to try anyways...) I would like people to remember me for caring for others and putting others above myself, for not having pride and selfish ambition, for being a better listener than a talker. (certainly something to work on) Most of all I want people to see Christ in me and in all that I do. To see my deep and passionate love for children and that i was a servant. I am the first to tell you, I suck, I am not the best at doing any of these things nor do i claim to be. These are goals; not like the silly new years resolutions that no one ever seems to keep, but goals that are practical, something I can work towards.
I suppose the whole point of this is that I would like to change, I want to live a life worth remembering, one that isn't about me, but about my Father, my Savior my All. I desperately desire to be the woman of God that God created me to be. I know that I am not the best at living well, I have so many areas that need work, but this is my goal, the thing on my mind constantly and I just hope that one day I will be able to look back at this time in my life and know that I really did make some changes in my life to better live out this faith that I claim so strongly.
always,
Kristina Janette
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