When Darkness Creeps In

Being someone that has struggled with depression for a few years of my life, I have had to realize what things make it come back in full swing.

I have readily dealt with my emotions and my depression for over a year and a half now, it has been a struggle, its always those certain little thoughts that creep in when I am least expecting it.

Today my boyfriend showed me a message on his cell phone from a friend of ours, I am not sure why but all of a sudden, with no notice at all, I had all of my worst fears and feelings during my depression come back as if I were standing in front of the Hoover Dam and all the floodgates were opened on me.

I can't explain the feelings or the fact that I want no one around me when I feel this way. I cant stand the fact that my heart breaks as these thoughts plague me. Its painful. It tears at my insides and eats me alive like a disease. I don't want to feel this way, I don't want Satan's words to pierce my heart. I know that I can let God in and allow him to take away these thoughts.

Currently I am doing all that I know how, praying and hoping that God will fight the demons left inside of me. Maybe one day I will be able to believe that when my friends say they love me and care for me I will feel it. I will know it completely. I wont be tempted to roll my eyes and think they are all liars. I will look at them and know their love because my eyes wont be tainted by the words of Satan.

Dear Lord,
Please grant me peace, use your strength to fight my demons because I am not strong enough. I know you are strong in my weakness and I need you to fight the battle for me. God I need your help, your comfort, your grace, and most of all your Truth. I know I am deeply loved by you Lord God, because how could I ever look at the sacrifice you made and not know I am loved? Lord help me to believe that that is enough, that even if the rest of the world hates me, you alone is enough for me! Lord, help me to believe people when the genuinely say they love me and care for me. Help me to not be tempted to roll my eyes or to allow the demons to caress the darkness already in me. Lord let your light shine in my heart and in my life so that nothing at all can separate me from you, not even these dark thoughts. Help me to believe I am loved. I know the love I have for you Lord God, you have given everything to me. Lord take the darkness away, please God, please.