Millions of Moments

My life is made up of millions of moments.


Too often I take those little moments for granted.


Today I sat in my car and found myself singing songs of praise. None of these songs were ones that people had heard before. Instead they were just the simple outcry of my heart to my Savior.


God has heard me before and He heard me today.


I have been suffering from unknown pain and discomfort throughout my body for the past few days and although I would love an answer, a name to go with the pain, I realize I'm not sure I ever will.


I have this notion in my mind that I need to be tough, seem strong and not let anyone know that the pain fazes me. The truth is, the pain is a bit miserable and no matter how strong and tough I try to be, I am not able to withstand any of it without God who is my source of strength.


Many of these last few days I have wanted to sit and cry, let myself lie in bed all day hoping it would all be over soon. I refuse though, to let myself ever let the words "this isn't fair" cross my mind or lips.
I know that there are plenty of things in life that are going to happen, some of which may even seem unfair. Christ says I will suffer for His namesake. What Christ suffered wasn't fair, what I suffer is something that God allows to happen in my life to bring me closer to Him. I don't understand why I have this pain or why it won't simply go away. But I do know that God is Good, that He loves me, that He takes care of me, and that He knows why I have this pain.


It's not my place to blame God, because if I truly believe that He has my best interests at heart and that He cares for me, then why would I ever say "it's not fair". I am not the fair judge or supreme keeper of the Universe so I will humbly lay down my desire to have an answer and simply ask, "What do you want me to learn from all of this?"


My goal in this trial and season of my life is to focus on Him. To find my peace and strength in Him, especially when I acknowledge that I have NONE of my own. I want to ask what I can learn, and quiet myself enough to hear His still, small voice. I want to not complain but rather have unending joy flowing out of me. I desire to demonstrate the fruits of the spirit constantly through this trial, knowing that the only way they can flow from me is when I am connected to Him. He will produce those fruits inside of me. I don't want to snap at others or try and use my pain as an excuse for bad behavior, but rather show God's great power in my weakness as I lean on Him for my strength.


I want to spend my millions of moments in this life not taking them for granted, but rather using them to sing random songs of praise to my wonderful Savior. Those are moments well spent.